Rex's Blog Archive

Current Mood = "Content and waiting for that tax return!"

Being content and happy with what you have There's always something better out there; Isn't there? I think that's a problem that many Americans face these days without even realizing it. I'm willing to bet that it's spending money unnecessarily was classified and a compulsive medical condition (similar to smoking, drinking, sex addiction...) that it'd easily rank highest in all categories. It's a problem people have that actually helps companies and the economy (to a point) so nothing is done to even acknowledge it. New things come out everyday that people just "have to" buy to stay current or just to keep up with everyone else. Let's take a look at cars. How many different vehicles are on the road right now? What's the difference between those vehicles and the new ones that come out each year? What about video game systems? There's three major systems competing right now and guess how many people I know that own all three (keep in mind that all three share a lot of games). What's the point?

A lot of people who are passionate about the topics I mentioned above would argue up and down about the differences and why each one is better than the other. It's actually pretty sad and I see it all the time. So let's keep moving to even more examples:

Operating systems. Yes, companies need to compete, but from the consumer's view each version is very much the same. I see these new Windows 7 commercials and I think to myself "Windows 95 did that" or "Ubuntu does that already". But a lot of people rush out and spend their money for it.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I've gotten a lot smarter with my money lately. I'm content buying something a lot lower tech if I did to. I have the major urge to buy a PS3 but I'm holding off. I already have a Wii that I barely touch so why bother. The only reason I NEED a PS3 is because it plays DVDs up-scaled and also plays video files, but with two jobs I find it hard to actually watch movies so why bother right now. I even sold my Xbox 360 because I never used it anymore.

I think the economy took a downturn because money was being spent elsewhere. People lost track of what they could and couldn't afford. One thing lead to another and soon companies were affected buy the eventual downturn in consumer spending. What happened from there is known to all.

Watch your money and hold on to it tightly!

Current Mood = "Depressed, but angry"

RIP Louisville Sportbikes I had promised myself that i wouldn't rant about this but I don't think I can hold it in. I also promised in the beginning that I wouldn't use this blog to rant but it looks like I'm going to have to break that rule this one time as well. This past Monday my friend's long-time public forum was sold to one of the other moderators on the site. Within a few hours it's future became clear and what made it the bike forum that people preferred over the other local ones went out the window. Let's review what those values were: 1 - Freedom of speech - The members were allowed to talk about anything. In the beginning we tried to reign in fowl language but over time that became lax. The quality of members we attracted didn't really require the enforcement of that rule. We also didn't touch threads or posts unless absolutely required. We didn't cater to any one person whether they were a member or staff. The only time we got involved was when things became serious or dangerous. 2 - Staff working together - We argued on occasion but we did it to keep the site on track and to keep it's vision clear. The owner insisted on this. He encouraged our views because he knew that a public forum was bigger than just the person who ran it. That worked out great and I believe is one of the reasons the site got so big. The staff was actually pretty close on the forum and got along great (so I thought).

3- Tolerance - It took a lot for us to ban a member (usually physical/verbal violence towards others members). We had (and probably still have) a lot of trolls on the site but they never got banned as long as they kept it in check. One even made it his mission to irritate me, we eventually turned it into a personal game of "cat and mouse" but we both stayed cool about it. Many times I wanted to ban him but a couple of the other staff opposed so he's stayed.

Now the day of the transfer one of the major rules was broken. The new owner immediately began deleting posts to appease the former owner. This used to be a big no-no. I know that the new owner can make any rules that he wants; It's his site now, but it's the beginning of the "fall from grace".

What happened next is the reason for my leaving.

I was kicked off the staff.

Now anyone would take that personally, but I would have stuck around to watch the disaster that will be coming in the future months except the way it was handled. I literally was stripped of all rank and left there. I had to speak up about it before the new owner told be about it.

His excuse: He wanted new blood and I don't ride anymore (which I'm selling my bike in prep for another). He thinks moderators should be currently riding.

I won't even get into the "stupidy" and transparency of the above statement. I'm better than that and my readers are smart enough that I don't have to explain it.

Only one of the previous mods jumped to my defense by casually insulting the decision. That mod actually quit the staff the night before the transfer for his own reasons. Once I learned that he had quit everything became apparent. My theory:

The previous staff had 6 members including the original owner. Only four of those people had actual opinions and "guided" the site. Two were fairly "yes men" who picked a person or view to back but rarely had one of their own. Of those four "guiding" members one sold the site and I doubt will ever return, one quit, one bought up the site and kicked the last (me) out of the staff.

He's now free to run it without anyone else's opinion interfering (besides his wife. Who doesn't ride a bike and is now a staff member). This method is exactly what this site was created to get away from.

So basically I was stabbed in the back by multiple people. Something that I've worked on out of love nearly everyday for the past 6 years was ripped away from me and is soon to be distorted beyond recognition. Of the three original values I mentioned above 2 have already been betrayed. I know the views the new owner has had in the past so I'm fairly certain that tolerance will go out the window as soon as his nerves wear thin enough.

I've decided to leave the site entirely. No drama, no public message, I just logged off and I refuse to return. I'd like to try my best to remember the place for the gem it was, not the "personal club" it's about to become.

I'll keep quiet about the other things I've heard. But it boils down to "someone's being lied to because different people are hearing different things". I don't want to be there when the drama ensues.

Current Mood = "Financially happy, yet tired"

The first post of the new year! My entries are still far and few in between and I apologize for that. Work has taken over the majority of my life but it's worth it. I'm tired a lot lately but bills are getting paid and the savings account is slowly growing in size. The kids are as healthy (for the most part... Diabetics can only be 'so' healthy), the girlfriend's as lovely as ever, and the pets are getting fed (and even a few trips to the vet). So, I guess life is good. All we need now is to replace the girlfriend's crappy car with something more dependable. I guess I'll continue with a brief topic below...

Time to move on?

I realize that I've been working on many outdated platforms lately. Where should I begin?

Visual Basic 6.5. I've been using this language since I shortly after I hired on with the Board of Ed. That's been 12 years now. When I tried out Windows 7 this past fall I had to "coax" the OS to work with it. That's kind of pathetic if you ask me but it's true. I'm assuming it's time to move on but the question is: "Move on to what?"

I plan to ask a good friend who used to actually program in VB6 for a living what he's liking now. He's hinted at a language that'll work on mobile phones but I want something that's convenient to me.

Microsft Office 2000, I've been using this consistantly for two reasons: #1 is that I own the CD, #2 is because it's works perfectly with VB6. If I move to something else it HAS to work with whichever programming language I choose.

My DVD player, I had moved up in the world by using my Xbox 360 as my entertainment system. It upscaled my DVDs to look GREAT on my 52" HD TV. It didn't play Blue though, and then Microsoft pissed my off and I sold it. Shortly after I proceeded to replace Windows with Linux on all the PC's in the house, but I digress.

I'm currently using my PS2 to play movies in the living room. The picture is good but the limits of the native DVD resolution shows. My plan is to get a PS3 in the near future. It'll upscale DVDs and play downloaded video files like the 360 but ALSO play Blueray. All without Sony getting into your personal business or charging a monthly fee.

There's also a lot of things around my house that;s "older than dirt" but still works good and serves a purpose. I have a hub in the laundry room that christ built of which my network depends on. I have four car jacks in the garage that my dad passed down. They're older than me but they've supported my old S10 for years in the weather and continue to serve me today.

I guess having old things around can serve a purpose. You just need to know when to move on and replace certain things.

Current Mood = "Content, yet alert"

Been a while... I haven't had much time to write lately. Life has been busy. I now have two jobs now (of which I'll probably have until the next summer) and my girlfriends going to school full-time plus working on the weekends. Pile two and a half kids on top of that and a lot of projects have to take a back seat for a while. So what HAVE I done besides work?... Hmmm... Let's review so I can play "catchup". I've joined Twitter. My first post was a comment about how I 're'-lowered my standards back into social networking. It's just something to do from my cellphone while at my second job.

I've gotten back into World of Warcraft. I figure that since I'm working so much i deserve a little treat. I don't get to play much, but I justify the $14.99 a month. My little Gnome Warlock has evolved into an a$$-kicking party of one :D.

I updated my Money Tracker program to include encryption. This was recent and I hope to upload the new version to the site when I update this entry. Look for it in the Hobbies section.

I've gotten a lot done around the house but there's still a lot to do. I hope to be done with Susan's closet soon. All I have to do is sand and paint. You can be sure it'll find its way onto the site soon afterward. Then I move on to the girls and then mine!

Last, but not least, I'm slowly working on a new game. It's just a Board-Game/RPG mix for the averge folks. It's still in the planning stages but is slowly making its way onto the computer. Look for it on Lulu and this site once it's complete (probably in the spring).

Current Mood = "Still Nil, Pondering a lot lately"

The land of the free? I really don't have much to write about lately but I'm sick of staring at three month old blog entry, so here you go... Something new to see. Do you see it? It's something different.

I hope you enjoy it. I know I do. It's something new. I spent a lot of time on it. I'm sure that it'll better the world in a new and exciting way.

Something has to fell the void that Michael Jackson and Ed McMahon has left. I'm absolutely positive that this entry can feel that void. It may even cure cancer, obesity, and depression. I think that I even feel slightly less addicted to caffiene while writing it.

Current Mood = "Still Nil, Pondering a lot lately"

The land of the free? Whatever happened to America being the "Land of the Free"? I know that compared to most countries we ARE free, but bear with me for a minute... I hear many people complain that the world is turning evil. Folks read the news and see TERRIBLE things (Rapes, Killings, Theft...) and they blame it on the choices that the country is making (Gay Marriage, going to war...). The fact is, these terrible things have been around a hell of a lot longer than the topics being blamed. The media just brings attention to the masses quicker than ever before in our history. Do people really think that the tsunami in the Indian Ocean was the first? Do people really think that killings and rape didn't occur on large scales in the past? The human population is growing and crimes will grow with it in equal proportion:

My personal view may be offensive to some but I'm going to give it anyway. Be fore-warned:

Get over it people! Just because you don't like something doesn't mean that you can prevent others from doing it as long as it doesn't interfere with another's personal liberties! I'm so tired of people grasping at straws in an attempt to fulfill their own agenda.

"Gays are getting married and people are allowed to buy guns. Oh no! God will punish us all! We'd better rally against them. We can't let them be happy and free or... well... God will create another tsunami, or perhaps a huge earthquake will hit California, or maybe even the super volcano under Yellowstone will blow."

Well, I hate to break it to you folks, but those things ARE going to happen. I know that, you know that, I know you know that, and us free thinkers think you're idiots for thinking that we don't know that (Did I lose you?). All of these disasters have happened in the past and they WILL happen again. Quit trying to infringe on the liberties of those living in one of the few free countries left through scare tactics.

The game's up, I'm looking right through the curtain and you're not hiding anything. You can stop now.

But I doubt you will.

And as for terrorism. That's been around for a long while as well. In fact, converting and forcing religion on others has been a staple of our species. It has its good and bad sides. I really doubt that America would be as civilized as it is today if it wasn't for organized religion. Unfortunately there's never going to be just one religion, and they always tend to clash. Even those that believe in "turning the other check" will find a way to rephrase their beliefs and fight for something. It's human nature

The more that laws are changed to appease religious beliefs the more conflict there will be. It will eventually get to a point where the religion that enjoys the highest majority in this country will outlaw the other religion's beliefs and traditions. It's already started.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not atheist, I just have common sense and combine that with broader view than most. I think that the word "God" should stay in the anthem. I also believe that the 10 commandments should stay right where they used to be (in American courthouses). Our laws were founded on them.

I just know that this country was created by and founded on three things: God, Freedom, and Guns. Without a belief in those three things we'd be bowing to a queen right now. All three of those used to hold the same weight.

Current Mood = "Nil, Pondering a lot lately"

Money on the side... This concept is usually easier to envision than to actually implement. A person can sit around for most of the day imagining ways to make money, but I'm beginning to release that 90% of those ideals are doomed to fail. Over the weekend I went to U-Bank KY and stayed the weekend with my girlfriend's family. There was no real purpose other than to just get away from the stress of my daily life in Louisville. Before I continue I'll give you a little back ground on the (for the sake of this post and their privacy) Richards: B. Richard is retired from the Armed Forces; I honestly don't remember which branch. But a few years ago the government realized that they had completely screwed up his pension and were overpaying him. This is where the intelligence and compassion of the American Government comes into play.

They took just about everything and diverted his 'fixed' retirement to repaying what they overpaid him. That I can understand, but it gets better. They also take any and all money that he deposits into any institution in his name! If he didn't have a wife with a separate savings account that the government can't touch he'd be living in a ditch!

This man is beginning to lean towards elderly, has served his country overseas, and suffers from posttraumatic stress (I won't divulge specifics on this topic either out of respect) and how does the government treat him because of their mistake? I'll just rest my case on the subject here.

So B. Richards did what he could after him and his wife were forced to move from their beautiful home near Fort Knox. He opened a shop near his new home in U-Bank doing something that he was good at. The rent is cheap and he's pretty much the only person there that does this profession so there's little competition. Luckily for me, I love to do the same work that he's resorted to doing professionally

So anyway, the family and I arrived on Friday night and he asked if I wanted to hang out at his shop on Saturday. I was ecstatic!

Now, let's be honest, there's really not much to do in U-Bank. It's not really a town with a lot of tourism. Hunting maybe, but not tourism. But even if there were more to do I still would have gone to the shop instead. It's like heaven for (well, I promised not to say because then anyone how knows him would guess who he was).

So what am I driving at here? I guess it's what I think I've learned from the experience. B. Richard's learned to do something on his own that he's good at and makes enough money to get by. He started slowly and worked his way up (I watched him make about $25-$50 in one day doing about 1 hour of actual work) doing something that a lot of people just do on the side for extra cash. That's got me thinking about things that I could be doing.

Since this past weekend I've starting doing a few things that I can:
- I've started parting out those GS1000's out back (already made $40 for one part and 3 auctions are still pending WITH watchers).
- Tonight I make a little extra cash fixing up a coworker's computer. That's actually something that I enjoy doing so it's an added bonus.
- This weekend we're going to have a garage sale. Suse' and I have been gathering up a lot of crap we no longer need and cleaning out the attic as well. I'm hoping to make some money off of my weight bench (which I haven't used in 5 years).

So apparently I'm in that mentality lately. I hope this mood helps make some money.

Current Mood = "Thanking God I still have a job in this economy"

From the character's view? My close friends may get a kick out of this: Blade Steelmind was knocked against the wall of the cavern he was currently in. It had been nearly two minutes since he realized that he had bitten off way more than he could chew and the rest of his group above was surprised that he had lasted this long. Blade had fallen through a weak spot in a cavern floor above this one and he had refused help to lift him out. It was a matter of pride that he got out himself. Then the Kobolds arrived. They trickled in at first, Blade couldn't see the hole or passageway that they used in the shadows, and so he once again waved off help from his comrades. But the shadows also concealed their growing numbers, and within seconds Blade was surrounded by Kobolds waiting for their turn to fight. That patience didn't last long; soon they were indiscriminately throwing themselves at him. No matter how many he was able to dispatch more came. Two of the mages above threw some spells down into the cavern in an attempt to help him, but Blade knew it was a lost cause. Even if the whole group valiantly jumped down in the cavern to wage war on this ravenous tribe they'd be overwhelmed within minutes. Even his combination of magic and swordplay wasn't enough to slow their advance. So Blade Steelmind kept fighting until the end. He was determined to take as many Kobolds to the grave as he could before joining them.

Blade rebounded off of the wall that the latest critter had thrown him against and brought his sword back up to bear, but it was too late. A lone axe ended his time in this realm. Blade felt no pain, just a sudden impact against his back and a resulting shock throughout his body. It felt as though someone struck him in the back of the head as well, but it was just his brain feeling the shock of the blade cutting through his spine.

As Blade fell to the ground he tried to catch himself, but it felt as thought his arms were asleep. He had no strength left. His vision faded to black and he slept.

***

Blade found himself within a bright white tunnel. A white light that was warmer than anything he had ever experienced was far ahead of him. He turned to look behind him and saw a beautiful sky full of clouds. He was above them and looking down. Below the clouds was a green countryside with a winding stream flowing between small hills. He recognized the area as the place where he met the group he was recently adventuring with. Blade was confused, if he was dead shouldn't he looking at something more meaningful? What about his relatives and loved ones? Shouldn't they be here to greet him? Come to think about it, Blade couldn't remember his family. Try as he might he couldn't recall a childhood of any kind.

As he looked down at the countryside below him Blade couldn't recall one single memory before meeting his teammates there. He shrugged it off. Maybe his memory was just cloudy; he did just die in a tragic manner after all. So Blade turned around and "floated", more so than walked, down the bright tunnel towards the white light beyond.

He traveled for just a few minutes before his path ended at what appeared to be the source of the white light. It was a huge sphere that appeared to be covered in some sort of large writing. Blade judged that the object was roughly 12 feet tall and he moved closer to see if he could identify the writing. That was when he noticed that the sphere wasn't perfectly smooth; it was actually made of many triangular flat spots. Each facet had a symbol on it. Blade recognized some of the symbols as a variation of the common language. They were numbers and as he inspected around the surface of the sphere he counted 20 sides (including the top and bottom) and guessed that each facet had a corresponding number for 1-20.

As he inspected the sphere closer Blade began hearing voices from inside. At first they sounded jumbled and far away, but has he pressed his ear to the sphere's surface they slowly became clear. Over the course of a few minutes he counted at least 5 voices, which were all male. At first he couldn't make out what they were saying but he heard laughing occasionally, but slowly the voices became clearer and Blade recognized that they were using the common tongue.

Voice #1: "I could still resurrect him if you want. You sure you want to start over?"

Voice #2: "You could make a higher level one from scratch..." *pause* "...I wouldn't start from level one though. It'd take forever to catch up."

Voice #3: "Yea, I'm sure. This one sucked, that's why I left him down there. I hoped he would get overwhelmed."

Voice #1: "Alright, but it's too late now. Make one up and we'll introduce him to the group next week."

Voice #3: "Sweet! No more cross-classes for me. I'm going fighter this time" *Followed by the sound of crumpling paper*

Upon hearing the sound of the paper crumpling the sphere began to shake violently and Blade was knocked back. The tunnel around him was beginning to take a more ominous appearance. For the first time that he could remember Blade was feeling fear. What was this?!? What was happening?!?

In an instant a bright light shot from the sphere, enveloped Blade Steelmind, and with a loud clap of thunder he was gone.

All that remained was a devastated body in a dark cave which would soon be roasted over an open fire.

Current Mood = "Thanking God I still have a job in this economy"

Telling it like it is: I like to be thought of as someone who "says it like it is" (or at least as well as I can articulate it). I try my best not to talk about people behind their backs, I tell them how I feel or I don't say anything at all. I don't even write anything down describing my opinions unless I'm willing for other people to read it (like this blog for example). However, having this kind of mentality has it's drawbacks. Since I don't make it a habit of constantly giving "hints" or beating around the bush that means that I've become slightly blind when other do it to me. This has lead to a conversation or two with my girlfriend who I've had to remind to just tell me what she wants or thinks. She's gotten pretty good at it over time although she'll admit that that it's "very different" from what she's used to. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this topic. It's just been something that keeps popping into my mind as of late. Maybe I'm witnessing too many people beat around the bush and subconsciously my brain's trying to alert me. Who knows. PS: This entry's pretty short because my time got cut short. Sorry.

Current Mood = "Fretting over money"

Different I think I've finally figured it out. It took a something that an old coworker said this morning in the parking lot for me to realize it. For years I haven't gotten along with my immediate coworkers. I've had it out with two of them at least one time apiece in the past. Both times I made sure that there was neutral witnesses around. I called one a "Crotchety Old Bitch" when she got on me for walking out the door at the same time as my boss (I was going across the parking lot to see family. The boss just stopped me for a meeting with everybody. Once it was over we walked out at the same time). One morning sometime after the warehouse door got stuck one morning and my coworkers couldn't get in. So instead of telling anyone they hide in a small office alone. When I got there a plumber met me at the stuck door because he couldn't get in either and in two minutes we were able to force it open. It honestly didn't take much effort. To make a long story short one of my other coworkers claimed that he didn't believe how I claimed to have gotten the door open. Even in front of the plumber that helped me. I'll just say that I didn't back down and that plumber saw what I have to put up with everyday. He's still pretty quiet when he comes in these days. My last immediate coworker is a pretty good person. I've known her for over a decade now. When she first moved over here she questioned me about the others because they seemed "off" to her. I told her what I tell everybody: "Give it a week and make up your own mind. I have my own opinion and encourage other to do the same.". So over time she became friends with one of them outside of work and slowly stopped talking to me. I can only guess what they talk about behind my back because I over-hear them talking about others behind theirs.

So anyway, now that you've had a history lesson I'll continue. An older coworker today said something that made my thought process on the subject realign this morning. I can't remember exactly what he said but the conclusion is this...

I'm different.

Older people who are "stuck" in their ways is not necessarily a bad thing, but they're type will rarely get along with my type. They've become so unconsciously "independent" in their jobs that they've forgotten about the concept of having a supervisor or being told what to do. when change comes they freak and they don't know how to properly act. The result is their attacking the person(s) who is closest to the issue and it has to be someone convenient and who they can get away with.

I'm nearly just the opposite. I don't like responsibility on a larger scale over stuff that doesn't belong to me. I've had opportunities to manage at take responsibility at a few different jobs in the past but didn't because I knew my limitations and didn't want the extra weight. I've always liked being on the lower rungs of the ladder so-to-speak and continue that way to this day. I'm nice to my boss(es) and my coworkers don't like this one bit. In fact, my having an open dialog with my old director is probably why I have the job I have today. I've helped him out in the past and he's helped me out as well. I can only imagine the things said behind my back about that.

I also don't take work home with me. The people here live for their jobs. The one person here who didn't got along great with me but retired a year or so back. This fact has also helped me with this conclusion. Once I leave this place at 3:30 I don't think twice about it. I've just got too much going on at home and with family to worry about a warehouse and if I didn't have to ability to stand back and see others from different angles I'd probably hate my coworkers for the way they are.

But I don't. I see where the problem lies and i know there isn't a damn thing to do about it. They'll never change and they'll always resent me. Every few months or so I'll make a small mistake and one of them will jump on it like a cat on a mouse. Now that I see through the veil I can find the humor in it. When they nitpick from now on I can laugh on the inside because I see what they don't..

Most people like me for my ability to see what's more important in life, but I'll just have to accept the fact that some people will hate me for it.

Current Mood = "For the sake of my sister my mood has changed"

My Opinions: I shall force them upon you... Cars: Ford sucks. For all you Ford owners, I'm sorry, but it's true. Come to grips with it. If you own a Ford that's turned out to be reliable then count yourself lucky. Over the past year I've even come to believe that any company "touched" by Ford is cursed as well. Video Games: All 'First-Person Shooters' are the same. The graphics are just different. Whether you're playing a soldier in WWII, a killing machine fighting demons in hell, or Master Chief fighting aliens it's still the same game. I admit that I like some, but after a while you begin to realize that once you've played one or two you've pretty much played them all. Life: People are always asking "What are we here for? What is the meaning of Life?". Well, here's my answer: "To be Happy." I mean stop and think, If you've lived a miserable life then what do you have to show for it in the end? Money? Who cares about money when you're dying on a table. All we can take with us (possibly) is the experiences we've had. My opinion is to make those experiences worth bragging about.

Board games: You reach a point in your teenage life where board games go by the way-side. Well, I'll let you know that the urge comes back. Once you begin a family sometimes the only time you get alone with the one you love the most is either in bed or on the floor with a boardgame. It's worth it because sometimes it's nice to be reminded that your S.O. is your best-friend and not just your lover.

Time Alone: Everyone needs it! No matter how needy a person claims to be they even occasionally need time alone. It's healthy. So designate a spot that's yours where you can hide if you need to. I have a heater, TV, computer, and freezer in my garage. It's a great place to be alone when I need to plus I can work on projects at the same time.

Hobbies: This goes along with "Time Alone". Everyone needs at least one and the time to play around with it. It keeps a person sane.

And Last, but not least:

Friends: Once you find people that you can truly call "Friends" then never let them go. Susan has taught me this because she's left the majority or hers 100 miles away. The heartbreak that this has caused her has made me realize how important close friends really are.

Current Mood = "Still strained and slightly paniced"

Video Games I have two opinions on the topic of video games. Both actually pertain to the subject on seperate levels... Blaming video games for the acts of youth: Come'n folks, I can't believe that people are still doing this. Now don't get me wrong, I honestly believe that video games can put ideas into someone's head (so can television, movies, and books), but it takes that person to act on them. The uni-bomber didn't play video games, He didn't even watch tv, but yet he did the things he did. People who are tired of getting their kids to spend time away from their video games are quick to blame them because of the convenience. In the 1980's people blamed the violence on TV because it was there and convenient and now the blame has moved to the newest thing. But my belief has not changed: It's the people who commited the crime's fault! Maybe it's a result of a bad childhood, one particularly traumatic event, or possibly the person is just plain "bad", but you can't blame a video game. What about the other 999,000 customers playing the same game?.. I'll just end that opinion on that note.

My video game use:

I FINALLY got an XBox 360. I traded in a LOT of stuff and got it for free that way from GameStop (The receipt was nearly 4' long). I even got 3 games with it (two of which I'm ready to trade back in :P).

Now, I try to spread my game time out among the family time and so far it hasn't conflicted so that's not an issue, but my GF is, let's say, very "real-life oriented". The only two game's she's really ever liked and played were 'Diner Dash' and 'The Sims'; both of which are 'life-based games', so the topic of "Why do I like this stuff" has come up once or twice (not just with video games, but with animie as will).

Of course, we've never fought over it. It's just an taste difference between us. She likes lot's of stuff that I shy away from so I'm not complaining. I just thought I'd use my blog to try and explain it.

I guess it could all be summed up as "I'm a pussy but I crave adventure and thrills". I know that sounds pitiful but it's true (a lot of people are in the same boat but at least I'm brave enough to say it). Let's take my current favorite game for example, Army of Two. I'd love to make thousands of dollars infiltrated enemy strongholds and out-smarting opponents with my best friend but I have this slight fear of dying at a young age (hence the reason I'm a civilian to begin with). I also love Ghost Recon but it goes back to joining the military again. I love my family and home, so I'm happier where I'm at.

Now take racing games as well. I'm a big Grand Tourismo fan and also have Forza 2. This I WOULD do in realy life if I had that kind of money. In fact I've done it on the bike (Tourist Trophy anyone?), of which I'm not proud of. It's a dangerous hobby that I don't do anymore.

And last but not least, World of Warcraft. Now that used to be a time killer that my exwife put up with (although it started because I had a lot of free time alone). That game allows for one to entirely step away from one life and into another (just like the Sims or Everquest. Hence the appeal). The game gets a lot of people in trouble with finances and their family life. I've never gotten addicted to it and don't play it much anymore but the pull is great. You're not only offered to play as something you'd love to be in real life but you're allowed to play with your friends as their fantasies as well. I can see how so many people get addicted (I'm just lucky that I don't have an addictive personality).

So that's it. I love to play video games because I love being the "hero" and it allows me to do things I could NEVER do in real life. My GF would argue that I AM a hero, especially to her and the kids but that's an entirely different spectrum. I do what I can in real life, I provide for my own and constantly repair cars, repair shelves, do dishes, wash laundry when needed, rub weary muscles, clean up, etc... And if that's all that's required to be a hero to some then I guess I am, but video games give me a chance to play the hero in other ways. Ways that make my blood pump faster and my brain work harder.

Current Mood = "Strained and slightly paniced"

Spamming? Does this s**t actually work?! If so then who are the idiots that click these links and support spammers? You actually have to sit back and think about this... I have never heard of anyone supporting spamming; I've only ever heard complaints. So, in effect, no one should be making actions that support these people. And with no support (clicking links) they don't recieve pay. So, wouldn't they move on to something else? Wouldn't spamming be marked as a losing profession?" But no, Somehow even links are getting clicked to earn these people a decent paycheck.

As I type this my most loved forum, Louisville Sportbikes.Com, is being bomb-barded with bots and spam. As a moderator it's my job to clean it up and ban the bots (luckily I have help this morning). But the stuff I'm seeing has my asking "Why?", "Why would someone constantly post porn of verious sites and forums knowing that it's not wanted?"

This may just be one of those questions that'll never be answered...

Current Mood = "*sigh...* I hate children. Not the little ones, but the adult ones."

Evil? I talked about this once before, but it comes back up occasionally in my own thoughts. "Am I evil at heart?" I have thoughts at times that I'm figuring a lot of people wouldn't consider 'normal'. I try my best to be a pacifist in life, at least in front of others, but I fantasize about doing things to those I don't like (of which the list is very short) at least once a week. I honestly think it's my father in me mixed in with the desensitizing that my generation experienced. My sense of religon is very small (my girlfriend hates that) and my sense of justice is quite large so find my self designing newer, more painful ways of punishing criminals for various crimes. Let me elaborate:

1 - A local boy here in Louisville just recently ran down two young girls while evading the police. He had a long criminal history and actually had a persistent felony warrant out on him. I think he should be put down, sooner rather than later. That's a product of bad parenting and stupidity. If he stopped and helped then my judgment would be different (maybe life in prison without parole), but for the lack of humanity...

2 - Child rape and 1st degree murder of a juvenile. Frankly I've imagined a great execution for these folks, and I'm not even debating on whether they should be killed or not. It's not even a question. I believe that they should be bound to a cold, metal table and have one body part amputated every night for five nights (four nights for female rapists).

Now this time table depends on whether their bodies can safely handle it, you want them awake during the procedures and to live up until the end so if a pain killer doesn't currently exist that would keep them aware then one must be developed.

But at the end comes the part that will straighten sex offenders up and benefit the public most. That body still (possibly) has viable organs. There are many people that are waiting for those. On the execution's final night the rapist would be laid out on the table and given the same painkiller as the nights before. Doctors would slowly remove his transplantable organs in the order in which would keep him or her alive the longest. Extraordinary means would be given to keep the rapist alive and awake during this procedure. The second to last organ would be the heart (a bypass machine would keep the blood moving), although staying awake would be rare at this point, the lungs would be last.

For the very few that would remain awake through the whole ordeal their last view will be looking up at the reflection of their own empty, limbless, body cavity and the horror on their face. Then with a click of a switch the executioner would turn off the life support...

3 - Child abandonment. First I should define this. Someone who is raped and refused an abortion (or if it's against their religion) should be allowed to offer his or her child up for adoption (if the child is a newborn). But say you became pregnant of your own ignorance. You knew it could happen and there's no excuse for leaving the child. What if the father makes no attempt to see or help the kids? These cases I consider Child Abandonment. The punishment for cases similar to these is clear and simple:

The offenders should be kept away from those children and medically prevented from ever conceiving more. The world doesn't need people like this. The lack of moral responsibility is a major problem in today's world. Retards who can't grow up create childish gangs, are incapable of keeping REAL jobs, and cling to foreign chemicals (cigarettes, marijuana, crack, and even spray paint these days) in order to temporarily take themselves away from the shi**y lives they've created. Even if they wake up at some point and realize they've made a mistake I say "Too late. You screwed up and now you have to live with it".

Only irresponsible people think that they can come back into a child's life at a later date with no consequences. Children are not adults; they suffer abandonment issues if they were mentally aware when abandoned. They thrive on a stable environment and such drama at a young age screws up their outlook on life permanently.

The world doesn't need more idiots spawning and certainly needs more responsible parents to help the children that currently exist:

I'm sure that you can tell by the above rantings that I'm not a big fan of jails or institutes in general. I can't really help that. I truly believe that it's better to just put some of these people down than use part of my paycheck to keep them alive, feed, and entertained. From what I see the majority of released prisoners come out stronger, healthier, and more cockier than when they went in, except now they have less fear of the institute that put them away due to proximity.

And on a final note. I'm actually surprised that the government allows me to carry deadly weapons. I'm sure that if they could see inside my head they'd revoke that ability (I'm also sure that 90% of the population would be the same), but my record speaks for it's self. I've never pulled my gun (or anything else) up till now and I outwardly hope that I never have to, but the time may come someday when someone threatens either myself, my children, or my significant other and I have to do what some people believe is unthinkable.

But as a Sheriff's Deputy once told me: "Never draw your gun unless you are GOING to shoot... And make sure they're dead because dead people can't lie in court."

Current Mood = "Still slightly hopeful, and still strapped for time"

Work: Today I wanted to write something about how my only goal in life lately is to show that I've obtained SOMETHING in life so far. But I don't know if I'll make that goal either. Lately I've been working so much that I've barely had time to maintain the average chores around the house, none-the-less any of the extra projects (writing, the bike, fixing one of the cars...). So today I'm going to express my admiration for those who do it all for their family. They work non-stop and provide, provide, provide. Maybe that's an accomplished goal in and of itself. I've realized it's tough and had forgotten how it felt to work over 60 hours a week. I used to do it a decade ago but I didn't have kids then and was MUCH younger.

I am lucky to have two jobs that I like though. That's a rarity these days. My main job has good pay, a laid back atmosphere, and I've worked through a lot of people's s**t to get here. My second job is fast paced most of the time, but that makes the time pass faster and I'm off on my own 90% of it. Plus, I mainly work for tips, which means I work faster, which it turn makes time pass even faster... You get the idea.

Unfortunately this means that my projects are suffering. The dollhouse is at a halt. The bike is just sitting there growing spider webs, and Laci's dollhouse isn't even off the drawing board yet (it won't be done in near enough time for the fair this year).

I'm not writing to complain by any means. I just wanted to post up why nothing new has been done lately.

Current Mood = "Slightly hopeful, but strapped for time"

Drama: Why, why, why do people insist on having drama in their lives? Don't people enjoy the quiet portion of their lives and yearn for it enough that the strive to avoid drama? I witness a lot in my daily routine. I have coworkers that insist on complaining about the most mundane details of the chain of command. My girlfriend's gay boss hires and fires employees as if they grew on trees. I won't even get into how the children act, they're still young so I can't blame them. The smallest problems are still huge for them. And I won't touch the actual occurance that sparked this subject because it involved a sad death of a family member. Everybody has a choice, don't they? Look at me, I'm failing financially but I'm choosing to give up most of my private life to pull myself out of this hole. That's my chioce and I won't complain about it. Everybody is in charge of their own life. If you're in jail, tough s**t, 99% of the incarcerated are there because of their own actions. If you're rotting in an apartment and living off of welfare then you rise above that as well.

My girlfriend would dissagree with me on some of this, although she's proved my point in her own life. With two kids and no job she's forced her way back up. She took the initiative and is going to college. Even before I showed back up she had pushed her way out of her bind.

I'm learning from her past. I just wish others would.

Oh, and people, QUIT BITCHING ABOUT GAS PRICES! It sucks, but just learn to cope and SLOW DOWN!.

Current weight: 225 lbs (unchanged)
Goal: (Still not setting one)

Current Mood = "Mildly Freaked"

Kids: I'm beginning to learn a lot. More than I thought I would although not by much. I knew things would be totally different in my life and that the act of juggling what little I had would begin to weigh on me, but I believe it's the finacially stress that's the hardest. This depression that America is going through (combined with gas prices) is taking its toll. I now find myself riding the bike that I had promised to sell just to save money. But enough of the problems that I shared with evry other middle-class America. Let's discuss one that's a little more unique. "How do you get a 6 year-old boy to act straight when you're not around?" I mean, I've been in his shoes. I don't remember much about Kindergarden but I do remember the feeling of freedom while my parents (especially my father) were not around. In my mind I knew that the two people in my life who were constantly saying "Don't do that!" and "Stop talking! It's time to listen." weren't around to enforce those rules and all a teacher could do was mark down on a piece of paper that I had been bad.

So how do you get that child to remember during school hours that the rules still stand. That once he gets home he's going to get a punishment? I know that all we need is to find a way to stick the thought in his head that we're still watching him one way or the other while he's being tempted to talk and act out by his friends. I'm learning that it's a lot harder than it sounds.

Current weight: 225 lbs (unchanged)
Goal: (Still not setting one)

Current Mood = "Mellowed, yet Aware"

Health: I don't really consider myself to be an unhealthy person. sure, I have my problems. Who doesn't once they reach the age of of 30? I'm pretty sure that things get worse from here on though. I was born with a minor heart defect. Nothing to be overly concerned about but I have it checked out at least once a year. That and I had a blood issue that appears to have slowly sorted itself out over the course of two years. 3 blood tests and a liver biopsy couldn't help the doctors narrow it down so they just "sat on it" until it went away. But this past weekend I saw some pictures of myself that convinced me to get healthier. I'm not attacking the treadmill with all my might mind you. I just feel the need to run again without major pains shooting up my left side and I'm sure that other aspects of my life could benefit from from a healthier lifestyle as with.

So here I sit, with a protein shake next to me and a bottle of Glucosamine pills in my backpack. I've actually been doing the protein for years (ever since I developed back problems. It helps tremenously), but the Glucosamine is new. My knees hurt these days along with some other joints and I've heard good things about these pills from a coworker who's a body-building fanatic.

So what's my method and goal here?

To start feeling better, then to become more active. If I start looking better then that's great, but I really just want to be able to "keep up". I'm too tired these days. The lack of sleep is enough to handle, but being unhealthy is a straw that could break this back. I'm sure updates will come. Wish me luck!

Current weight: 225 lbs
Goal: (Not setting one)

Current Mood = "Pissed, yet Disturbed"

Common Sense: What is it? Well, here's Wikipedia's definition: The great Scottish philosopher Thomas Reid, a contemporary of Hume and the founder of the so-called Scottish School of Common Sense, devotes considerable space in his Inquiry and the Intellectual Powers developing a theory of common sense. While he never gives a definition, per se, he does offer a number of so-called "earmarks" of common sense (which he sometimes calls "principles of common sense"), such as: Principles of common sense are believed universally (with the apparent exceptions of some philosophers and the insane). It is appropriate to ridicule the denial of common sense. The denial of principles of common sense leads to contradictions.

What's my own personal definition? Keith Foster defines "Daily Common Sense" as:

"The ability to learn from past mistakes, to learn from other people's past mistakes, and to make intelligent decisions concerning menial to difficult tasks that would avoid damage, suffering, or ridicule using information that you've learned throughout your life."

So why do some people still appear to lack common sense? Is it just the outward effect that laziness has? Do they refuse to do something that needs to be done because they don't want to or are they really just too dumb to know what to do?

Some of the people I know do some smart things throughout the day but refuse to act on common sense at the most in-opportune times. They appear to do it in order to rebel against their work supervisors, but everyone else just doesn't understand. Neither do I. It would be one thing if they left me out of it, but they continue to criticize me for not joining in their delusion.

They're acting as though they lack common sense in order to insult their "higher ups" but according to what I've heard it's hurting them more than they realize.

Maybe it's a newfound outlook on life brought on by my becoming a father figure (a father to my newborn, but an actual dad to my GF's 5 year-olds), but I've began seeing a disturbing similarity between the children that I'm now helping to teach common sense to and those that I work with that should already have it. I see myself on the outside of their petty problems looking in and I feel sad that they honestly believe they have it so bad.

Current Mood = "Depressed, Confused, yet Content"

Money can't buy happiness: ...but it can fend off sadness. Why does the world revolve around the mighty dollar? Exactly when did the freedom gain a dollar amount? The price of freedom used to be a war, conflict, or even death, but now it's bought; Even here in America. Maybe it's just the Christmas season, but I find myself wondering: "Why is money so important in a world that's supposed to revolve around love and family?" It's almost as if every lesson that's taught to you as a child isn't true. I guess I'm just feeling the crunch. As sad as that is. So anyways, I've finally gotten my newest book published (partially). It's the Roleplaying Game for New Empire and i'm sure there's still grammer errors throughout. I'm printing a copy for myself and I'll let the two special women in my life who's O.C.D. allows them to pick out and correct that stuff to review it. Then I'll just revise that version with the corrections. One of those two ladies may kill me for mentioning that, but the other may just laugh it off. I won't mention which ones.

I also plan on expanding the universe with free additions on the New Empire homepage. Later on I'll put it all together in another book.

Why is the above information included in this particular Blog entry? Because it's another source on income of course. New Empire is my hope of earning something from all the drawings I've done in the past (plus those to come in the future) and to get what I've created out into the world. I just hope that the world is ready and I can make something out of what little skills I have.

Current Mood = "Apparently Brave"

Morning Kindness: I usually wake up in the mornings pretty short tempered. I've laid everything out the night before and all I want to do is get dressed, grab my backpack, and head out the door. My lips may not even seperate before I get to work and am forced to say "Hi" to someone. I'm used to always being the first one up since I dad moved out. I strived to be up and out before my mother woke up in the mornings just so I wouldn't have to talk to her. It wasn't anything bad against her, it was just that the little part of my brain that controls my emotions doesn't wake up until about 30 minutes after the rest of my body. Things didn't change after moving out with my girlfriend. Now that I'm currently living alone it's great in the morning. The only things to bother me are my two cats. And they're easy enough to please. I just fill their food and they leave me alone. Maybe one will play with my shoe laces as I get dressed, but that's more humorous than annoying. The weird thing is that even though I live alone right now I still get dressed in the living room. I don't even know why. There's no one to wake up in my bedroom. Maybe it's just habit, or maybe I subconsciously don't want to look at the bed as I get dressed (It is quite comfortable).

But I digress. The point that I'm making is that I like to get out of the house ASAP because mornings are usually hard for me. My stomach can't handle food for at least a half an hour after waking (I don't know why. I just get sick). So I'm pretty off my game when walking into work.

However, yesterday I noticed something. A lady that works down the hall who smokes right outside our closest door appeared to be as happy and "chipper" as she could be. She always appears to be that way. Not the annoying, happy either, but the genuine, "how're ya doin?" type of happy.

It was actually contagious. After talking to her for a few seconds I actually walked away happier. Why can't others be like that?

So anyway. If you're curious about the story behind the picture today it's because I rode in during a light rain with a tornado watch this morning. Frankily I have no problem riding in the rain but everybody else looks at me like I'm nuts. The Harley riders here at work have already stowed their bikes for the winter and fear getting them wet year-round and they call themselves "Riders"? {Sigh...}

But that's it for now. Nothing important. Just a couple thoughts.

What does it take to keep in touch with family? My wife's family (we're currently seperated), is very close on one side. I've always admired that. My ex-girlfriend before that has a close family as well. Both of those families invited me in and made me feel like a part of them. Both of which I destroyed that trust altogether, but that's a story for another day.

Let's talk about my own family, shall we? I don't come from a disfunctional family by any means. My father held a great job and stopped smoking when I was young. He did drink, and although he can hold his own with alcohol it does affect his outlook on life and attitude just enough to be noticable. My mother did her best to raise my sister and myself right. Between her and my father I believe I came out pretty good compared to the majority in this day and age. I don't know many who'd disagree although I have my share enemies.

My sister grew to dispise my father greatly. He cheated on my mother more times that either of us would like to admit. He wasn't happy there and looked elsewhere. This is a hurtful fact to my mother that she might not have even accepted to this day. My sister hates him for it and after moving out she gave a couple of "half-hearted" attempts to keep a dialog but in the end they both pushed each other away. Neither wanted to try hard enough so any attempt to reconcil was doomed to failure.

I was tremendously happy once my parents divorced. My feelings towards this hasn't been a secret at all. My father and I had a rocky friendship growing up but after the divorce we got a lot closer. He lightened up a lot and that's when I finally realized how unhappy he had been and although I don't approve of the things he did I let them. Time changes people (whether you want to believe that or not it's true). I lived with my mother for a few years after that before finding my own way.

Now, back to the main topic. The majority of my family (that I grew up with) still live nearby. My sister, however, lives a couple of hours away. My father's side of the family is strewn across the states (I barely met any of them growing up). My mother and aunt are pretty close. My grandmother passed last year, but before that they were all close. But other than that my family's sort of scattered.

My mother visits my sister every chance she can get. And even though my sister now has 2 kids she still finds the time to visit my mother down here. The problem is that I never hear from her. I get the occasional email containing pictures of my nephews but no real news or conversations. Even before she married communication was rare. She always stayed in contact with our mom, but never my father nor myself. I chaulked this up to being phsycological. She's pushed away our father so why wouldn't I be next? I'm the next closest thing to being him. Although I know she's busy I see the half-hearted attempts of keeping in communication with me.

Now don't get me wrong. I rarely write either. The difference is that I don't complain if I want her for something and she's not there. I know she has a life of which I a very little part of. I've always had a bad habit of not staying in constant touch with friends or family. Throughout my life I've made friends with the same habits. Even though we rarely see each other or chat we've stayed friends since highschool. That's just the way I am. I maybe talk to my own mother twice a week (on a good week) and we live a few miles apart.

So what DOES it take to keep in touch with family? An urge, a conscious effort, or is it just a reflex that develops over time?

I'll wait and see.

Hmmm... Personal thoughts. Let's explore these and get them out on paper.

Have I ever thought of killing someone? You'd be surprised how much this has come into conversations with me lately. It's something I'm slightly ashamed of but let me actually be truthful here.

First of all, let's take a step back and look at a question that leads up to the current one: "Do I feel filled with hate?"

I don't think so. I mean, I feel anger towards the world more often than I probably should, but I honestly believe that people from my generation who've been exposed to the city and public schools have a slightly greater amount of anger in their hearts. I've known too many people from all walks of life to not notice. But my list of people that I honestly "Hate" is very short. Only three in fact, and I still haven't personally met two of them.

So with that in mind let's get back to the original question. The answer is 'yes'. I've thought about killing someone. Not in the crazed, serial type of way, but I've targeted specific people in my mind and thoroughly planned out ways to end their lives. They tend to be people who are confined to the previously mentioned 'list' and I would never go forth with the actions I imagined. Although I have frequently planned and practiced in my mind the actions needed if two of the people I actually do hate ever gave me a legal reason to defend myself, or the ones I love. I'm currently looking forward to that day and that scares me.

Is that bad? Looking forward to ending someone's life in an act of self-defense? It's a touchy subject. Evidence of such thoughts could add a new dimension to a trial. But in the end the law is the law. Self-defense is allowed in this country and I've been trusted with a license to make that easier by the state.

But once again I'm going off in the wrong direction. The purpose of this is to put forth thoughts that I've had.

So, How deep have these thoughts gone?

I've imagined things in quite vivid detail. Sometimes I've dreamt of torturing a person who's hurt someone I love. Doing things that the Vietnamese did during the war (that I shall leave out of this discussion). Making people suffer times ten for things that they did. Then slowly ending their life only once they were broken or unconscious.

Sounds bad, doesn't it?

I'm convinced that I'm not the only one to think these thoughts on occasion. Look at the amount of road rage these days. Apparently people can do pretty wild things, and not just in their minds. In high school a friend that was highly respected in our class once asked me about thoughts similar to mine. He appeared honestly concerned about himself. I told him that people have thoughts like this. No matter how bad it seems it's ok. The difference between killers and normal people is the ability to differentiate between thought and reality. Just because someone's thought about killing someone doesn't mean they will.

And the difference between a punk and myself is that the punk will constantly threaten death or injury. They've become immune to the meaning. In a split second decision the vast majority of them would lose when it came to survival.

I know what death means. It scares me at heart, and maybe that's why I feel comfortable that I could kill another if needed. Although I honestly believe that I have a little bit of evil in my heart it hasn't a thing to do about it.

It's just survival and the willingness to protect ALL those that I love.

I'm sitting here debating a problem. I just can't figure out a way to continue on my book. I won't tell you where I am or how long I've been sitting here, but I will describe my problem.

It's not that I don't want to. In fact, I have tons of ideas. It's just that they involve "jumping ahead". I've thought of writing a chapter or two in advance and then going back to "tie it in" (I've done this before with an entire battle sequence), and that method works on occasion. The biggest problem however is time and will.

When I'm at work I'm (Duh) working (more or less). When I first get home I'm tired. Especially now, with 100 degree weather and no AC at work my strength is zapped and I find myself on the couch right after getting home. Combine that with all the house renovation I find myself doing lately (new house) I just can't get into the mood to write. I find myself most willing to write when I'm at work and that's when I actually can't. Ideas strike me there and so does the urge to type but I guess that's because my mind is idle as my body's more active.

I also find myself more interested in working on my book's Role Playing Game counterpart. Although they're being done in tandom the RPG has gotten quite far ahead of the story. Literally 80 years ahead.

Oh well, It'll get done.

There's always been a problem facing those who have imagined traveling to the stars, and that's “How do you get there practically?”

Einstein claimed that the speed of light could never be surpassed. The closer you got to this speed the slower time would pass for the traveler. If you were ever able to surpass this speed you'd actually travel backwards in time. Plus there's another complication. Supposedly a traveler's mass increases the nearer they get to the speed of light (this, I've never totally understood).

Humanity has measured the speed of light at roughly 299,792,458 meters per second, but we've neglected to figure out what that speed is in relation to. Is there a medium in which light travels? Some people have hypothesized about this and gave the mystery medium the name “Aether”.

And this answers questions. If the spectrum of an object's light shifts depending on whether it's moving towards or away from us then that means that the medium it's traveling through is standing still (at least in relation to the Earth). This means that Aether would act towards light like Air acts towards sound here on our planet.

Keep in mind that the sound barrier WAS broken, even after many people said it was impossible. Could this “Aether Barrier” be broken as well? Maybe not through the “Brute Force” method that Chuck Yeager used, but I believe it's possible. Humanity may have to get out into space and stretch its legs a little before learning how to but it's possible.

It my new book series “New Empire” I had to create a fresh method for traveling faster than light while not suffering the side effects. That's where “slipstreaming” was born. The actual method is still slightly rough and may be revised but short it's a tube of gravity that propels all space inside at a certain speed. This means that a ship inside isn't moving (at all) in relation to the space (or Aether) around it. The space itself is actually moving.

Is this breaking the rules or is it a loophole?

Don't even get my started on my Black hole theory.

When I was just out of the toddler phase I proposed to my first "girlfriend" using a ring that I fashioned out of a couple of dandelions. I know this because everytime I see her mother she tells that story. For the longest time I had a crush on her daughter. It embarrasses me to admit that even now, but I finally have the courage to say it.

What I didn't know then is that someone else was nearby. Someone that would end up meaning more to me than anything. She would continue being nearby until the early 90's and I never even knew she was there. While camping boys hung out with boys and girls hung out with girls. When you're that young life was just that way.

Fast forward a decade from that "early proposal". I had a best friend who constantly got me in trouble. I loved hanging out with him though. He kept me on my toes, we had the same interests, but we were just raised differently. I had a father which taught me values that he didn't learn growing up. His mother tried the best she could with what she had, but he still had a nack for breaking the law. She just couldn't be there all the time.

For a while this friend had a girlfriend he wouldn't shut up about. I remember him telling me stories about her. For some reason that stuck with me even though I've forgotten half the stuff that him and I used to do. I could even have seen her at one point in highschool, but don't remember.

Once again, she was nearby. Our paths kept passing closer and closer to each other but not close enough. Half a decade later they finally crossed. Our paths would continue to cross for 9 more years. Each time something would happen that would cause our paths to seperate again.

Not this time. This time I'm grabbing on and NOT letting go. She took the initiative of finding me and forcing another crossing. I, in turn, will meet her halfway.

I've been told that I will regret it. I know for a fact that my friends and family believe I'm nuts. They don't understand why I've done what I've done. An answer is one of the few things that I can't provide right now. I doubt that I ever will. Over time people will just have to look at me and see the answer that they're looking for. Perhaps they will or perhaps they won't. It's not something that can be explained, but only felt.

While making this change in my life I've hurt a lot of people. Some more than others. For that I'm truely sorry. I made a conscious decision and will see it through. For myself I honestly believe that the end will justify the means. Although I have a new responsibility now that will alter my life forever I'm ok with it. I will be there and provide all the love and guidance that I can. I've still been given a gift. In the last moment before my life's second chapter I was given a gift that would possibly be denied to me later.

Things will work out for everybody. Whether they see that now or not things will be ok. Things will work.

Where'd Jack and Jill come from? What was their history? And better yet, what was their future? Did they live happily ever after like every other fairy tale?

But that nursery rhyme isn't a fairy tale, is it? Fairy tales nearly always end with happily ever after. So how do you know when your fairy tale is over? Just when you think that you're experiencing your "happily ever after" someone comes along and opens your eyes wider than before.

I'm beginning to believe that over time our eyes shut. Our vision dims and we accept what we're given in life and deal with it. We become happy in our "ever after" even if we had found happiness before and lost it. It's when we're reminded of this that our fairy tale starts up again.

Why can't this world just be simple? Everything could just have a sign placed by the powers that be that assign everything to everything else. There would be no questions, no searching, and no mistakes. Jack would be born with a sign that read: "Meant for Jill" and vise versa for Jill.

But then I guess that'd make both nursery rhymes and fairy tales dull.